25 things that made me smile this year

1. Sean Kelly's rain dress

2. Hydrangeas 

3. The moon

4. Butterflies

5. Seeing Syncopated ladies live

6. Six, the musical 

7. these dance classes

8. Every moment of my time in the bay area truly 

9. My sister

10. so many wonderfully kind humans

11. Including the several residents who were so patient with me (Dr. mccay especially)

12. Younger aspiring women in stem asking me for advice about higher education 

13. The best bagel I've ever had 

14. Sunsets, so many sunsets

15. Submitting my paper 

16. some absolutely phenomenal memoirs

17. Verenus 

18. Cats

19. Dogs too 

20. Cafe du monde

21. Wicked, the musical (update, NOT the book ...after the first half of character development and introducing the premise of elphie being misunderstood the rest of the book just doesnt make any sense)

22. NARS, and sweet Ania for introducing me to them

23. Urban parks and really lovely moments in them

24. solo trips to the nearby independent movie theater 

25. This man, who taught me how to love, how to focus on being better at giving love and stop whining so much about being loved. This man who taught me how to be like genuinely brave. This man who taught me how to be softer, kinder, and less dramatic (though there is some level of theatricality that I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of, I'm sorry Father)

I'm really grateful for him this year and the next year and the year after that until I have none left. I will never ever forget that it's because of him that I'm here, and I will die trying to make sure I use this privilege in the most responsible way possible 

I don't know what exactly his parents had imagined for him, for us

But man, if I can just do what I say I'm going to do, I think theyd all be really f$ckin proud

Idk I guess this year that's all I want

The chance to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING with this incredible opportunity I have, that my cousins don't have, that my sister didn't even have, since we got our green cards only after she was already in state college, paying out-of-country tuition 

I just don't want to feel so absolutely useless, mostly because I want this man to feel like it was okay that he came here, to this country, far away from his mom