socks in the city

Life is simultaneously fast and slow lately, more slow than I ordinarily find comfortable, but it has also given me the space to think about pieces like this article :

One of my guy friends told me that he is looking for a girl "thAt takEs CAre Of hErsElF" and I nearly groaned because I've had several of my guy friends say this

So SO many times 

What does that even mean? He elaborated that he expects a girl to have lush voluminous hair, a good "fit" body, maybe nice nails, and of course a good sense of style 

She should also be interesting and have opinions of her own

He expects to be attracted to her physically AND intellectually, and he expects her to be patient and kind and not too dramatic 

Not too much trouble

She should be committed to a long term relationship 

One that involves a storybook wedding, and multiple children

She should like his friends 

I feel like we are stuck in a world that is hyper critical of women when we aren't "demure" damsels, with no sign of distress

I'm tired of apologizing for my opinions, Im tired of trying to convince people of my worth

"Maybe you should stop wearing mis matched socks" he said to me

"Little things like that are weird and unattractive."

I get it, they're all just friends...trying to help me out; "optimize" my attractiveness...and sure I should be SO thankful for their insider perspectives

But whether it's one guy telling me that men find women more attractive with longer hair, or another guy criticizing my SOCKS

I'm a little bit tired of unsolicited advice at this point. I have never felt stronger or more attractive in my life, I have never cared less about what people think of me

But why is it only disarming when a man looks effortlessly charming 

Why is it such a PROBLEM when a woman decides to just be

I have loved seeing my parents, going on long walks along the levee, drinking the late night wine with my dad while dreaming out loud about my future, hanging with my dance teacher, catching the sunset, reading the books I've been putting off, and just reveling in the quiet

and you know what

My socks have been mismatched the whole time