goodbyes

I generally hate goodbyes.

I think it's really odd when people say goodbye and throw in the generic phraseage about seeing each other soon, and that this isn't actually goodbye 

I generally never say that stuff unless I mean it. Like if I tell someone that I will see them again and that I'm looking forward to seeing them again I actually mean it. I genuinely mean that I will make the effort to see that person again.

If I have no interest in seeing someone again, I say goodbye and it hurts and I'm sad because in my heart of hearts I know that I will never see that person again. And I get very very attached to other humans.

But sometimes you just know when that person's story has sufficiently diverged from yours.

And conversely, I think, for me at least, I know when the opposite is true too.

So why do people promise to see each other soon when they know it'll never happen 

I will never understand 

There's a man here playing the guitar and talking to no one in particular and a small 4 year old child running back and forth across two wooden benches, carrying rocks that she arranges and rearranges over and over again

She looks so happy

I feel like I will never be the kind of mother a child needs

I will never be that mother 

The one that makes sure her baby's heart grows strong enough to withstand every hello and every goodbye

And still have the unbridled, innocent joy of a toddler