lost

It's scary to think that you might have the permission to be happy. That all this while you were wasting your energy trying to think of ways to not be. I know it sounds absurd, but I think our society has shaped us into these constantly vigilant, overly defensive little beings who look for things to be offended by.
For reasons to pity ourselves, cry our sad sorry little heads to sleep
I go through many days feeling vulnerable to inconstancy of life
and surprises are never cherished--do people still love surprises?
The uncertainty of the future is something I have NO control over, but it's difficult to remember that
so I keep writing these stupid blog posts that all sound the same

It's kinda like driving through Birmingham to get to New Orleans and being tricked into taking the Boutte Houma exit but unknowingly
and then driving for hours and hours in Boutte Houma trying to get to the French Quarter

it's like if you only KNEW you were lost, you could try to find a way out
but you won't start looking for a way out unless you know you are lost