perfect

I have this weird obsession with struggle. The idea of struggling, of having to fight for what you truly want out of this thing we call life. I want to consume as little as possible, both literally and figuratively. There's this weird energy in everything around us--in the people we are surrounded by, the activities happening in our vicinity, the air we breathe, the places we inhabit.
I don't want to react, or consume, or relish people, places and things.
In the perfect world, I'd be able to just float through it all..like some ephemeral apparition.
Neither here, nor there. Not in or out or up or down.
Just floating by.

In the perfect world I wouldn't rely on anything to get by, except for myself. In the perfect world situations wouldn't define my happiness. I'd be happy because that's just the only way to be.

I'd be happy to float.

I wouldn't resist change, or push back against the choreography that arises out of the cognizant, goal-driven decisions that I have made thus far. I would embrace the way my body is inclined to move, to float, to be

and maybe then all of this wouldn't be such a struggle.
Why do I romanticize the idea of struggling

maybe I don't have to struggle.
Maybe this can be fun